Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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