Cold hands, warm shart.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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