dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
