even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So apparently I’m into choking now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
