My balls are so social today.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
