so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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