Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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