the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
