my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
