Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
