your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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