is your mom at the bar?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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