Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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