Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
