I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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