i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
