It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
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Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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