He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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