Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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