god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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