this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
barbara walters just said penis...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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