i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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