All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
