She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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