Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize