The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
