That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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