Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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