she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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