Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
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