Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
