The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
