im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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