What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
