so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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