Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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