Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
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she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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