we have pet lesbian snakes
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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