he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
