Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
