If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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