"it" just moved
Apparently you make a good broom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
