you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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