half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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