idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
