I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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