Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
