woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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