I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
