I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
