Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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