I wannas sexs uuuuu
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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