I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
