i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
