then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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