Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
