yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize