Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
