Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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