Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
