The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
