Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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