you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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