I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
