Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
