I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
