So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
