u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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