R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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